SPICE: C is for Creative/Communicative in Marriage


Years ago, I began a discussion on SPICE and how it is an integral part of the Creighton Model FertilityCare Program.   SPICE reminds us that our sexuality is multidimensional and has many aspects beyond just the physical act of intercourse.

Our sexuality is Spiritual, Physical, Intellectual, Creative and Communicative, and Emotional and Psychological.  This idea challenges us to be sexually whole.  I discussed what the S in SPICE entailed and ways to successfully live that out here.  Let’s take a look at another aspect of SPICE.


Communication is vital to a happy, fulfilling and long term marriage.   There are two parts to communication in marriage.  This week I will discuss what Dr. Hilgers calls the Creative/Communicative part of communication.

On our wedding day, we become one flesh.  We were once two individuals, but now we  are one.  In order to fully become one with our spouse, we must give of ourselves as a gift.

We must communicate our love to our spouse not only through our words but through our actions.  We make daily sacrifices to put the needs of our spouse above our own.  If we mutually do this for one another, we grow closer to what we are called to be, a united reflection of God’s love.

The Creative/Communicative aspect deals with how we communicate this sacrificial love to our spouse.  How do we let our spouse know that they are a gift and that we love, honor and cherish them as much today as we did on the day we made our marriage vows?

This can be hard to do among the craziness and chaos of everyday life, especially if you have young children in the house.  The Creative communication of our love can also be become less of a focus the longer we are married because we become comfortable with our spouse.  We must not become complacent because this can lead to a lack of trust and resentment on the part of our spouse.

I must admit that my husband is much stronger in this area than I am.  I have never been very affectionate or verbal when it comes to expressing my love.  I find it easiest to express my love through my actions in the home and through writing.

My husband is great at always making me feel like I am the most important person in the world to him.  He is great at telling me that I am beautiful and what a wonderful wife and mother I am.  He schedules surprise date nights for us.

I like to write special notes to my husband to let him know how much I love him and what I love about him.

I send him texts during the day to let him know I am thinking about him and praying for him.

We strive to have time each evening together to just talk and relax with no technology.  We do projects around the house together.

We have a goal to have a date night at least once a month and the only talk allowed is about ourselves, what we are interested in, books or articles we have read or goals and dreams we have for the future.

We also do things like laser tag and bowling on these nights, like when we were dating. Taking this time apart from our busy lives to get to know more about each other and just be ourselves has become an important part of our marriage.

Here are some questions you can ask your spouse that may help improve the Creative/Communicative part of your marriage:

  • Do we strive to protect the element of romance in our marriage?
  • What were our favorite places to go or things to do together before we were married? Can we incorporate any of these things into our marriage?
  • What are some ways we can be romantic without spending money? (i.e. love notes)
  • How can I be a better friend to you?
  • Do our words bring healing to each other?
  • What is the best surprise I ever gave you?
  • What are some romantic things I have done that you enjoyed?

If you need more ideas on how to incorporate this Creative/Communicative aspect into your marriage, check out my Pinterest Marriage/SPICE board.

The Creative/Communicative part of SPICE may not come naturally at first or it may be difficult for one or both spouses, but it is necessary to make it a priority in your marriage.  We must always be building trust and communicating our love for one another on a regular basis helps us to do that.

Trust in marriage leads to passion, love and a joy-filled marriage.

How do you incorporate the Creative/Communicative part of SPICE in your marriage?