Remembering Maryrose: My Experience with Miscarriage


October is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month.  This month is especially close to my heart because of mine as well as multiple friends’ journey through miscarriage.

This month reminds us that we lost a child

The child or children we lost through miscarriage was a gift of life, no matter how short that life was lived.

As October is drawing to a close, I thought I would again share my experience with miscarriage.  This post was written soon after we lost Maryrose in 2013.  Every time I read it, I am brought right back to that time in my family's life.

I miss Maryrose every day.  I try and picture what she would look like today.  If you have lost a child or children through miscarriage, please know you are not alone

From March 2013:

“At least it was early on”, “something must have been wrong with the baby so it is good," “At least now you know you can get pregnant."  These are some things people say to women after a miscarriage.  I must be honest and say I am guilty of saying one of these to a friend after her miscarriage.

People do not have bad intentions when they say these things, but the statements are not what women want to hear.  I was not fully aware of the insensitivity of the statements until my own experience.

I sat in the Emergency Room that Monday morning staring at the Television, praying with my whole being that God would spare the life inside of me.  People came and went from the ER and I remember screaming, “Please save my baby! My baby is dying as I sit here waiting for my name to be called!”

I felt powerless to protect my unborn child. No one responded to my screams because they were coming from my heart.  I sat and waited, my heart sinking with every hour that passed.

I had been bleeding since the evening before, less than a week since I saw those 2 lines on a pregnancy test showing a new life was coming into our family.  Even though it had only been a week, I had come to love that baby growing inside me and all the happiness and joy this new life would bring to our family.

As I sat waiting in in the ER, my bleeding seemed to be getting worse by the minute.  My level of hope was diminishing as time on the clock seemed to tick by in slow motion.  After what seemed like an eternity, I was called back to see a doctor who ran multiple tests to see what if anything could be done. 

Despair overcame me as the doctor told me that I was losing the baby and it would take a few days for her to pass completely from my body. No!! My insides screamed out in terror and grief! 

Why was this happening to me!  I had never had a miscarriage before and had had relatively healthy pregnancies.  Why now?!

I went home to share the news with my husband.  The next week was very emotional as my daughter passed from the safety of my body to the safety of her Father’s arms in Heaven. 

We named her Maryrose.  As I write this, it brings up such feelings of sorrow to know that I will not ever get to hold my baby girl Maryrose in my arms.  I do have faith and hope in God that I will get to meet her one day and that right now she is watching over me and our family with the other angels in heaven. 

My children were sad when they learned of the loss of their sister, Maryrose.  My daughter draws pictures of Maryrose and talks about her sister in heaven that she will meet one day.

Twenty percent of pregnancies end in miscarriage.  The loss of a child through miscarriage is devastating; no matter how far along a woman is in her pregnancy.  We should treat the loss of a child through miscarriage as such, a loss of a child, a life, a family member. 

The grief is intense and never completely diminishes, even after the physical healing.

A variety of factors underlie the occurrence of miscarriage. These include genetic, hormonal, anatomic, immunologic and microbiologic variations.  The medical community is slowly coming to recognize that no miscarriage can be considered normal.

All miscarriages are the result of a pathophysiologic reproductive event. NaProTechnology utilizes the Creighton Model charting system as a medical tool to diagnose the underlying reproductive health problem causing the recurrent miscarriages.

NaProTechnology’s extensive medical research has found that 85 percent of women with recurrent miscarriages have endometriosis.  Women with recurrent miscarriages can also have hormonal abnormalities, ovulation defects and mucus cycle abnormalities. 

The good news is that with the aid of NaProTechnology, these underlying reproductive health problems can be diagnosed and treated successfully with a trained Medical Consultant.  Couples and families do not have to continue to suffer from recurrent miscarriage. 

Hope to have a full term healthy baby is available through the Creighton Model FertilityCare System with NaProTechnology.

The loss of Maryrose taught me that every life, no matter how short lived is precious and truly a gift.  I was blessed to carry her life inside me for the short period I did.  She was conceived out of love and created in love for a purpose for God. 

As I sit writing this, Maryrose’s brother or sister is growing inside me.  I have been a bit apprehensive about the pregnancy after the loss of Maryrose but I have faith in God’s will for our family and that Maryrose is watching over this baby from heaven.  My children’s over the top excitement about having another baby has also helped.  They love telling people we have 7 babies in our family. 

They never leave out Maryrose in the number of children in our family.  They know, even as children, that her life was important and meant something to us and to God.

So, if you know someone who has a miscarriage, hug them, cry with them, and tell them how sorry you are about the loss of their child.  Walk alongside them during their time of sorrow.  This will be the greatest gift you can give them.  I know it has helped me to truly heal.

We will never forget Maryrose.  She is the missing part of our family.