Sexuality, SPICE, and the Single Woman


When I talk about SPICE, I am usually referring to how it can best be used by the engaged or married couple.   After I wrote my post about Fertility Care & the Single Woman, I began to reflect on how a single woman could also benefit from SPICE.

SPICE stands for the Spiritual, Physical, Intellectual, Creative/Communicative, and Emotional/Psychological aspect of sexuality.  SPICE helps us live out our sexuality in a deeper way.

Remember, true sexuality is not just the physical contact with the genitals. 

True sexuality involves the whole person.  

And, since true sexuality involves the whole person, living out SPICE is not limited to those who are engaged or married.

How do you develop a healthy sexuality while single?

We live in a hook-up, birth control pushing culture where women are encouraged and praised for having multiple sexual partners.  This is supposedly healthy and freeing for women.

But, just as we question the birth control pill as the healthiest option for women, we should also question whether “hooking up” before marriage is the healthiest option for single women.

Women were designed by God to be loved and cherished by one man, her husband.  Women’s bodies are temples and if a man is not willing to sacrifice and honor a woman and her temple, then he should not be considered as a suitable partner. 

We all make mistakes.  I know that from personal experience.  I am guilty of having bought into the culture and following along with the culture. 

But today is a new day.  

We always have a chance to make new choices.  We can make healthy choices for ourselves now and for the future.

How do you develop the aspects of SPICE while single?

I see the goal of SPICE for the single woman is to help her become the best version of herself. 

When we are a whole person, living out our sexuality as God intended, we can give ourselves completely to our future spouse. 

When we are a whole person, we are not dependent on another to fill the void. 

Here are some simple ways a single women can live out SPICE:

  • S for Spirituality

Prayer is a key component of the Spiritual aspect of SPICE.  Developing a prayer life and reading spiritual books help you to grow deeper in your faith.  Get involved with your church.  Volunteer in ministry or join bible studies.  Being a part of my church community helps me grow closer to God.

When you have ownership of your own faith life, you can better encourage others. 

You can build others up and journey beside them offering support and encouragement on this road to Heaven.

  • P for Physical

Do you take care of your physical health?  How do you stay active? 

Engaging in physical activity helps increase energy and decrease stress.

Consistent physical activity, especially done with family or friends, helps alleviate depression by releasing endorphins that contribute to overall peace and happiness. 

Doing physical activities such as bowling with friends and family also develops and strengthens relationships.

  • I for Intellectual

What are your dreams and goals?  What are you passionate about?

Maybe you want to pursue a new career or interested in a specific hobby.  It is important to keep our minds sharp with education and reading books on subjects we are passionate about.

I love to read and what I am passionate about is fertility, women’s health and nutrition.  So, most of my reading and education time involves these things.  I also like learning new skills such as sewing, gardening and cooking.

Pursuing your dreams and goals can be frightening and challenging sometimes.  I encourage you to do one small thing today to achieve one dream or goal! 

  • C for Creative/Communicative

We are women and we are built for community.  I am an introvert but I still need to be a part of community and have relationships with others, especially other women.

We need healthy relationships to help us thrive as women.  Healthy relationships support us, encourage us, and challenge us to be better women.

I encourage you to evaluate your relationships and see if they are lifting you up or tearing you down. 

Be the woman who lifts your friends and family up.  Require others do the same for you.  It is necessary to set standards for our friends and dating relationships.

  • E for Emotional/Psychological

How do you take care of your emotional health?

Journaling is a great way to sort through your feelings.  Talking with someone you trust when things are difficult is also a good thing.

Community with others, especially like-minded women, is important for our overall emotional health.   As I have stated before, seek out others who will build you up and encourage you.

One thing that was recommended to me when things get difficult and I tend to feel down is to volunteer or do something for someone in need.  The act of helping someone else in need often brings joy and happiness.   It helps me get out of my “me” mindset. 

Spiritual direction or professional counseling may be needed to process and work through the things you may be struggling with.

Developing a healthy sexuality, especially in our culture, can be challenging.  Sometimes it may seem easier to follow along than to go against the tide.   But, as we know, in life real reward comes from doing what is difficult and challenging. 

When you develop a healthy sexuality, you can be confident in your standards for your future spouse.  You can also give your whole self, fully and completely, to your future spouse.